THE CREW - Chapter 16
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Shane was dumb.
There was no doubt about it.
Absolutely none.
But he was also determined.
And once he'd made his mind up, there was very little chance of changing it.
Unless, of course, you were a hot young babe - preferably blonde - with big boobs and long legs.
Then you might stand some sort of chance.
But, as it turned out, changing Shane's mind - or what passed for it - wasn't necessary at all because, when Stevieboy and Shane met up the following day, it was the jock who made the all the running.
"Hell, Steve", he said.
"A chance like this ain't gonna come my way again in a hurry.
"I mean, just think - me, Shane Bruckner, there forever in the pages of that Ginny's Book of Records. I just gotta do it, man."
Now there was no way that Stevieboy was going to deflate his friend's enthusiasm for the project by pointing out that it was actually the Guinness Book of Records.
And, after all, given that Shane's idea of alcoholic sophistication was a cocktail of tequila, Budweiser and Sunny Delight, it was hardly likely that he'd recognise Ireland's premier contribution to world beverages even if he was drowning in the stuff.
So all Stevieboy replied was "Great!"
Even had he wanted to, though, he wasn't given the chance to say any more.
Because Shane had it all worked out.
"Steve, you gotta organise all this for me now, right?
"Give this guy who's doin' the research a call and see how I get to enter this here Mr Duck in his contest."
Stevieboy realised he was finding out more and more about Shane Bruckner every day.
He'd already discovered his new friend's teenage preoccupation with shoving large objects up his ass.
And now he knew too how Shane thought of - and maybe even spoke to - his dick.
Mr Duck.
He smiled.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Five days later, on the night Shane's mom and dad always drove 30 miles each way to their weekly line dancing class, Stevieboy and Shane were alone in the Bruckner family house.
To be precise, in Shane's bedroom.
And, to be even more precise, on Shane's bed.
By now Stevieboy was beginning, he had to admit, to feel almost out of control of events.
Shane had adopted the whole idea of getting some sort of world record for the size of his schlong so enthusiastically that you'd have sworn he'd thought of it all in the first place.
Shane lay back on the bed, his head propped up on a couple of big pillows.
He was wearing nothing but his jockstrap - which made such a hopeless effort at covering Shane's entry for what he still referred to as Ginny's Book of Records that he might as well not have bothered.
But if Shane hadn't made much effort with his clothing, minimal though it was, he'd certainly put a great deal more effort into preparing the setting for the evening's experiment.
All around his bedroom walls he'd stuck up big posters of his favourite girls.
At the top end were the likes of Claudia Schiffer and Anna Kournikova.
At the bottom end - quite literally in several cases - were pages ripped out from past editions of Horny Housewives, Big Black Boobies and Fanny Farm.
Sadly, Stevieboy noticed, there was no sign at all of anything on display which might have been taken from Red Hot XXX Numbers.
But there was, in one of the darker parts of the room just behind the door, a very tattered but clearly treasured double spread from something called Paddle Parade.
And when Stevieboy managed a closer look he clearly made out several particularly well hung young guys who, having presumably offended their girlfriends in some way, were getting their asses paddled bright red by a middle aged woman in a tight black leather catsuit. Meanwhile the girls looked on with lascivious smiles flickering across their faces and even more lascivious fingers shoved way up their own holes.
Shane, Stevieboy suspected, probably had rather more sides to him than anyone had previously suspected.
While the walls were covered with his favourite pin-ups and porn, Shane had carefully placed just a single picture alongside him on the bed.
It was quite a small one.
And Stevieboy had to look at it really hard - without, of course, seeming to - in order to read the inscription which was written across it in a long, flowing script.
To sexy Shane - from Elizabeth XXX
Stevieboy was stunned.
He'd never set eyes on Shane's girlfriend Elizabeth before. In fact, hardly anyone had, because she'd only just moved into town with her folks.
But, to be blunt, now that Stevieboy had seen Elizabeth's picture he thought she was a dog.
Less Elizabeth Hurley than Elizabeth Windsor.
And certainly no Anna Kournikova.
More Martina Navratilova.
On a bad hair day too.
And the fact that Shane's girlfriend had an almost, well, masculine appearance made Stevieboy wonder - and not for the first time either - what exactly went through the deep recesses of Shane's mind.
Yet Elizabeth was clearly Shane's favourite and, as the near-naked jock picked up her picture and stared at it real close, his dick began to take on a life entirely of its own.
As it did so, Shane's eyes glazed over and he began breathing more heavily.
"Steve", he muttered, "we gotta be quick here. This girl's just so damn hot that I ain't gonna last long before I burst.
"You gotta do the measuring and take the pictures real quick."
Stevieboy turned away just for a moment to get fetch his mom's tape measure, his dad's micrometer screw gauge (which he'd brought along so as to look just a little more professional) and the camera he'd been given for his ninth birthday and had never since used.
But by the time he turned back to face the bed a great deal had changed - not least Shane who'd changed out of the jockstrap into absolutely nothing.
The kid was naked.
And hard.
And BIG.
In the space of just 30 seconds at most, Mr Duck had more than doubled in size.
In fact the duck had become a fully-grown ostrich.
Ostriches are, of course, well known for one particular feature.
They bury their heads in the sand.
But, thought Stevieboy, if he had anything to do with it and was lucky, Mr Duck would pretty soon be burying that head of his somewhere else entirely.
© Rob Maynard /HMBoys.com 2006